Just became a statistic

Ah, this one’s hard to write.  I’m in the middle of a trip for my job, and as soon as I get back to llinois, I’ll begin the process of moving.  My marriage is ending, not with a bang, but with a whimper… I changed, he didn’t.  Pick any cliche’ you like to describe it.  I want to be sad, I want to mourn, but it is such a relief to have finally said all I want to say, and to be headed toward something.  I’ve had my head so far up in my own issues for the last few years that I didn’t realize, or wouldn’t admit more likely, that my marriage had stagnated.  I got up and left last summer, stayed away over two months, and came back and tried to rescue it, but couldn’t.  I want to say it’s over forever, but I’m out of the habit of burning bridges… too old, too wary.

I’m leaving that door open, as well as the doors at work, just in case.  Because I want to be strong enough to resist the temptation to come back… and that temptation will always be there.  Safety and security have their attractions, and they always, always will.  NOT taking advantage of that safety and security is the next test, and it’s a big one.  Wish me luck.